Bring the Rain

Have you ever read or experienced something that is so incredibly moving that you want so much to share it but know before the words even come that they won't be good enough to do it justice?

In a place where I've begun to mostly just post pictures and a few sentences here and there, I feel like tonight there should be writing. The title of this post refers to a website I came across on Wednesday through another's blog site. There is a link to it on the right side of this blog. It is where I have spent my evenings/nights after Finley has gone to bed since finding it on Wednesday. I've cried and laughed harder than I can remember doing in a long time. And its a blog of a complete stranger. This post probably all sounds very random, but if you take some time to read the story from the beginning (there's a link on the page to take you to the beginning)... you'll understand why I had to share it with you. It's not an easy read, it is absolutely painful, but at the same time, so beautiful.

I don't talk a lot about God or my faith, especially to people who I think might feel awkward with the topic. I've heard myself make a really great excuse for that before (that sometimes I almost buy) by saying "I would rather try to walk the walk than talk the talk, I think it means more to people". But I know in my heart, that the words are important too.

So for tonight, for now, I'm taking a scary baby step and putting it into just a few words on this blog. In a way, its easier than saying them out loud, and in another way, its exposing them to every person I've given this address to. I'm not sure why I call that "scary"-- in a vulnerable, "please don't judge me" or "think I will judge you" kind of way, I guess.

God has shown himself to me and blessed my life many times over the years... I've had times in my life where I've walked very close to Him and times when I couldn't have felt farther away. But, I know this is true, and felt the need to share it... He is good. He has been and always will be, here, no matter how much we ignore Him.

I have called myself a "Baby Christian" for as long as I can remember, mostly referring to my lack of knowledge of God, the Bible, my lack of denomination, and my tightrope walk between faith and doubt, surrender and control, right and wrong. For the past several nights I've spent reading the Bring the Rain blog, I've been inspired that perhaps it is time to grow-up. :)

I have talked about trying to find a Bible Story book that I can read to Finley before bedtime so she'll grow up learning it in a way that will make it understandable and familiar. I want her to know the stories I do not know, to know love, hope, and peace in the ways that only God can deliver. I want her to have a grateful and faithful heart. I want it all for her. Doesn't every mother? And, I was starting to feel anxious (as is my controlling way) about whether I was going to be able to guide her in all the ways I'd like to over the course of her lifetime. And then it hit me...

I don't have to. He will. He will guide us as a family and carry out the plans he has so beautifully begun in our lives.

We get to grow-up and learn together. It's a beautiful and comforting thought to me. The "Baby Christians" can read and learn the Bible stories and develop and deepen our relationship with Christ together. So as Finley is just learning to sit up, this post is my version of mirroring that milestone. We might fall over a few times in the process, but we're learning and are that much closer because of it. It's a journey upwards and soon we'll be on our knees gaining momentum to stand. One day at a time. Cherishing each milestone.

Because truly, she's already taught me more about God's love than I could ever teach her.